


War

by Crashcoursemaster



Series: All The Things You Do To Me [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lots of Crying, Making Out, Original Male Character/Original Non-Binary Character - Freeform, Other, lots of smoochin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 18:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20457119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crashcoursemaster/pseuds/Crashcoursemaster
Summary: It's a brilliant game you playWhen you lock yourself awayAnd make me fight for you, you, youI can't keep you above waterI can't drag your soul to shoreDon't know how to fix a sinking shipOr win a losing WarIt's a heavy load to carryAnd I can't hold on much moreOn the surface, it looks perfectUnderneath, it's just a perfect storm"War"-Icon For Hire





	War

**Author's Note:**

> Let's get some plot going shall we?

Finally. They were finally alone for the first time all night, snuggled close on the couch, Noah’s head comfortably nestled on Zak’s chest. His heart was fluttering, relishing in the closeness to his boyfriend. A strong hand rubbed his upper arm, an absentminded gesture of tenderness. Noah sighed, fiddling with his hands in his lap. The two had grown more adventurous over the past few weeks, growing closer and closer with every day spent together. He was starting to see cracks in the stoic devil’s façade as his walls started to open. A laugh that was slightly louder than a chuckle, a snort here and there. Even harder to spot things like the silly grin on his face as Noah talked about some interest of his or how gingerly he ghosted over Noah’s hand with his as they walked. The small devil could tell he wanted something more physical, but he wasn’t sure how to push for it without breaking some imaginary boundary. Noah has definitely sped the process along, snatching Zak’s hand and gripping it for dear life, crawling into his lap for snuggles when they watched a movie, even sneaking a hand under Zak’s shirt while they kissed. Noah was certainly ready for more, he had been since their first date, and now that they’re finishing up what had to be their tenth, he was growing impatient. He let out a huff as he placed a hand on Zak’s thigh, rubbing his thumb over the seam of his jeans. He rolled his head upwards to look into his eyes.

“Zak?” His boyfriend looked down at him with a hum, “Can I try something?” 

“Depends.” Zak held a playful smirk, pulling Noah closer, “You finally gonna try and eat me alive? Is that what this has all led up to? My sweet little kitten feasting on me? 

Noah giggled, shoving Zak with his shoulder, “No! Don’t be gross!” He squirmed out from under Zak’s hold, sitting up on his knees before swinging one across Zak’s lap, straddling him, “I was thinking about, maybe…” his voice trailed off as he massaged the crook of Zak’s neck, running his hands over the chocolate skin, “Going a little…further?” 

Zak paused, his smile fading, “How much further we talkin’?” He was trembling slightly underneath him, muscles tensing up. 

Noah slid his hand up to Zak’s jaw, cupping it, his thumb moving across his cheek, “I dunno…” he did the same with his other hand, keeping Zak’s head in place, “I was thinkin’ maybe just…see where we take it?” 

Zak swallowed, “I-I guess I would be okay with that.” 

A shiver ran through Noah’s spine as Zak’s hands moved to the small of his back. He let out a soft laugh, tilting his head to the side and hovering over Zak’s lips. Noah pressed a soft kiss to his beau, nothing too intense, just something to close the gap. He knew full well how nervous Zak was about intimacy and the last thing he wanted to do was force him into this. Noah was taken slightly aback when Zak kissed him back, adding a little more force to their encounter. He let out a pleased sigh, feeling his boyfriend relax under him. Noah started to slowly introduce different touches, first of which was opening his mouth a little wider, toying with Zak’s lips by flicking them with his own. He captured Zak’s lower lip with his teeth, tugging it lightly, drawing out a shocked groan from the larger devil. He didn’t pull back though, only deepening the kiss further, pulling Noah closer and keeping him pressed to his body. Noah slipped his arms around Zak’s neck, melting into the embrace. He gently licked Zak’s lips, his tongue sliding out, asking for permission. Zak rumbled under him, a chuckle vibrating between them as he sucked on Noah’s tongue, hard. The small devil gasped. Zak was getting bold, and it was driving Noah crazy. He swiped his tongue over Zak’s, flinching when he caught a small metal ball on the muscle. He broke the kiss, pulling back with a smirk. 

“So you weren’t gonna tell me about that sneaky little surprise?” Noah teased, diving back into their kiss. 

“It’s not a surprise if you know about it.” Zak spoke between breaths, “Is it weird?” 

Noah didn’t respond, instead he wiggled his way back into Zak’s mouth, teasing the piercing, rolling it around on his tongue. A filthy groan filled his mouth, Zak letting it slip from his throat. Noah flinched as strong hands cupped his butt, squeezing gently, rolling his hips on Zak’s lap. He broke free from Zak’s mouth, moving to his jaw. He nipped at the skin, sucking at it in places aiming to mark him. Zak tensed up again, his hands suddenly trying to push Noah off him. The small devil sat back up, Zak’s erection pressing into him as he shot his boyfriend a worried look. 

“Everything okay?” Noah tried to lean back in, get Zak to relax again, but was only rolled off his lap and back onto the couch. 

“I-I’m sorry kitten, I-I” Zak’s face was beet red, sweat starting to bead on his head. He rested his hand in his forehead, looking away from Noah, “I-I should go.” 

Noah’s heart sank. Typical. He hated being this selfish about their intimate moments, and he knows Zak has scars that run deep when it comes to this stuff, but it seemed like every time he made progress, Zak ran away from him. He watched as his boyfriend stood up, quickly moving to the front door. Noah stood as well, wanting to scream and beg, grab Zak by the waist and hold him. Just as Zak’s hand touched the door knob, words fired off his lips, “Wait! Zak…” the large devil looked back at him, “You don’t have to leave.” 

“Noah I’m sorry…” Zak’s eyes watered, “I…I’ll call you tomorrow okay?” 

“Zak…” Noah grabbed his beaus hand, gripping it tight, “Please…don’t go. We can talk about this.” 

“I-I’m just…I’m just not ready.” Zak finally said, releasing the door knob, “I’m sorry.” 

Noah’s face scrunched up, anger and frustration bubbling up from his belly. He threw Zak’s hand from his own, “Then let me help you!” Words rocketed off his tongue so fast he barely had time to process what he was saying, “For Christ’s sake Zak, I figured you would’ve known by now that I want this! I know you want this! You keep saying you aren’t ready but you’re ignoring all the progress you’ve made!” Tears fell steadily down his cheeks, “You…you can’t keep toying with me like this! I want to help you Zak…but you..you keep running away from me…” Noah crumpled in on himself, hugging his middle, “Why..why won’t you just let me in?” Zak sighed, moving away from the door and kneeling in front of Noah, “I don’t wanna just wait here with batted breath hoping you’ll come back…I don’t wanna just be some arm candy for you…I…I thought you…” Noah broke, sobs falling from his mouth, “I thought you were different Zak…I thought you liked me…” 

“Noah…” Zak cupped Noah’s chin, “Kitten of course I like you.” He wiped away a few tears, his voice soft and delicate, “This is all just…hard.” 

“I know.” Noah hiccuped, wiping his face with his hand, “I know it is Zak…but why won’t you let me help you?” Zak sighed, chewing the inside of his cheek, “Because this isn’t your burden…I don’t, want this, to be your burden.” He sat back on his heels, “It’s not your job to fix me, to make me better…” 

“I know it isn’t.” Noah sat down beside Zak, “But if we want this to work you need to talk to me.” 

Zak remained silent, staring down at the floor. His form started to shake again, tears rolling from his eyes. 

“Just tell me what I’m doing wrong-“ 

“Can you stop making this all about you?” Zak spat, “You think you’re the only one suffering from this? Imagine living with this, the painful memories, the voices, the phantom touches!” He glared at his partner, “You have no idea how difficult this is Noah, so just stop.” 

Noah quivered, rising from his spot on the floor silently and moving back to his room. “I was only trying to help.” He clicked his door shut behind him, sliding back down to the floor, sobbing heavily. He heard footsteps approach his door, a thud following shortly after. The depth of Zak’s voice caused the wooden door to rumble as he spoke. 

“Noah, I didn’t mean that…” there was a pause, “I know you wanna help…and I wanna get better, but…” 

Silence fell between them again. Noah hugged his knees to his chest. His heart was screaming at him to open the door and just hug Zak and hope this would all go away, but he stayed put. 

“I’m not trying to be selfish, you know that right?” He spoke just loud enough to carry the sound through the door, “And I didn’t mean what I said either…I’m just, so used to being someone’s one night stand or even a friend with benefits…this whole, relationship thing is so new to me.” He toyed with a strand of carpeting, “I wish I could snap my fingers and make your pain go away…but I can’t, and it’s something I can’t control…and that terrifies me.” No reply. “I just care about you too much to let you go…” 

“…can I come in?” Zak’s voice was weak, but the volume made it seem like he had his face pressed to the door. Noah stood, cracking the door open slowly. He was sort of right. Zak was seated cross-legged on the floor, head hung low, a dull red spot from where his forehead was pressed to the wood. He let out a quiet giggle, offering a hand down to Zak to help him to his feet. Zak grabbed Noah’s hand and pulled the small devil down into his lap. Noah let out a shocked gasp, tumbling into the embrace from the force. Zak’s arms were around him instantly, clutching him to the strong chest that was still trembling. The heartbeat beneath the skin beat into Noah’s ear. It was pounding, Zak clearly still panicking. 

“I thought you wanted to come in?” Noah teased, “I sorta expected you to get up.” He heard muffled sobs come from Zak. He’d never heard the large demon cry before, at least not this hard. Noah squirmed under Zak’s hug, trying to look at his face. He managed to sneak his hands to Zak’s cheeks, “Sugar, please don’t cry.” 

“I’m so sorry…” Zak spoke between sobs, pressing Noah in tighter. 

“You don’t need to apologize. If anything I should be apologizing to you.” Noah rested against Zak’s shoulder, curling back into the cuddle. “I’m the one who pushed you into this, knowing it might hurt you…” Zak only cried harder, his whole body trembling. Noah cooed and hushed him gently, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. 

“I don’t wanna loose you kitten..” Zak started to settle back down, sobs subsiding as he rubbed Noah’s back in wide strokes. 

“I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Noah kissed Zak’s shoulder, “You’ve got a death grip on me so tight I don’t think I could run if I wanted to.” 

Zak laughed, pressing his forehead to the top of Noah’s head, “Always quick with a joke aren’t you?” He sighed, “I…I should’ve been up front with you…and you were right in some way. I shouldn’t run away from you…” Zak started shaking again. “There’s…there’s just so much…so much I want you to know…” 

“Like what?” 

“Everything…” Noah grumbled. Zak was the worst at giving vague answers to complicated questions, “Why I act this way, why I’m so afraid…” he trailed off for a moment, resuming his massaging of Noah’s arm, “How I feel…how being with you makes me feel…” he finally looked into Noah’s eyes, “How much I love you.” 

Noah’s mouth hung open, drying at the sudden confession. He blinked a couple of times, “You…you what?” A hot blush crossed his cheeks, “You…love me?” 

Zak nodded, leaning forward more to press his forehead to Noah’s. He placed a kiss between Noah’s eyes, keeping their heads pressed together. “I do. I just…could never work up the courage to admit it.” He shook his head, the twisting sensation giving Noah a slight discomfort, “Even now it doesn’t feel right…confessing to you in the middle of a fight.” 

“Is this a fight?” Noah giggled again, pressing back against Zak, “if all couples fought while snuggled up like this we should fight more often.” Zak groaned again, “I know, I know…but, you said that was only part of what you wanted to tell me. I-I’d love to hear the rest.” 

Zak tensed up, a shaky sigh hitting Noah’s face, “It’s…it’s pretty heavy…are you sure?” 

“Maybe…we should go back to the couch then?” Noah kissed the tip of Zak’s nose, “It’s more comfortable than the middle of the floor.” 

Zak tucked one of his arms under Noah’s knees, effortlessly lifting his petite frame as he stood, keeping the small devil in a cradle. Noah pressed into Zak’s chest again, wrapping his arms around the broad shoulders, “Fair enough.” He moved back through the small apartment, reclaiming their spot on the couch. Zak flopped onto the plush surface, laying flat across the cushions and allowing Noah’s to snuggle against his side, “So…where would you like me to start?” 

Noah traced small circles on Zak’s shirt with one claw, “Most people start from the beginning love.” A sly smile curled on his lips. 

“Alright smart ass,” Zak hugged Noah tight, nuzzling him, “Then I guess you should know about the bane of my existence first…” he let out a heavy sigh, “The one who caused all this to begin with, since I wasn’t always like this. Wasn’t always so jumpy and defensive when it came to…” he paused, “this.” He gestured to the cuddle with his free hand. 

“His name was Issac…and he was damn near the most wonderful, sweetest guy I had ever met, present company excluded. We met at a bar I was dragged to by some of my friends. I never really liked going out, still don't, but they were insistent on me going for gods know what reason. He had approached me first, probably caught me staring at him since it was nearly impossible for me not to. He was so fucking pretty. He had this beautiful ivory skin that had a million little freckles all over it, little specks that were almost invisible. Soft auburn hair that he always kept shaggy, bright green eyes with black pupils…anyway. 

“The more we talked the more we found out we had in common. Both of us came from huge families with ties to The Azure Skulls. I grew up around them, his pop owned a tailor shop that was under the boss' protection. Issac loved the fact I worked so closely with the man that kept them safe, he always told me it was like I was his personal body guard. Not sure if that should've registered to me as a bad thing at the time, but I thought it was cute. 

“We were inseparable...if we weren't working, we were together. Every free moment we had we spent on meals, movie dates, walks in the park, all that cutesy stuff, we did all of it. One thing I didn’t notice until after the fact was that he never seemed to want to stay too late, always had to be alone after ten. Which I found odd, but wrote it off as him being a home body. Besides, he would still text me and all that after he was home, and nothing about how we interacted suggested he was hiding something...” 

“Was he?” Noah craned his neck upwards, feeling the tension building in Zak's chest and shoulders again. 

“He was an addict.” the words were strained, teeth and jaw clenched so tight Noah was waiting for the snap, “Everything I knew about him...everything I had fallen in love with was based on a lie. Every time we were together he was on something.” Zak swallowed, “I was blind to it, chose to ignore it when I finally found out. We had talked about moving in together at the time, and I gave him the ultimatum that if we did, the use had to stop. 

“And I held him to that. With how tightly he had me wrapped around his finger I was worried I wouldn't be able to hold him accountable, but he cleaned himself up and we got an apartment together. Things were great for the first few months, a little rocky here and there as he was still weening himself off the drugs but, still my sweet little Issac...” 

Zak's voice trailed off, breathing starting to become ragged. Noah cupped Zak's cheek, placing a soft kiss on the other. He opened his mouth to say something, but his throat dried out. Zak grabbed the hand on his face, gripping it tight and moving it back to his chest. 

“Once again...I was wrong. He had maybe toned back his use before we moved in, but not a full stop. I bit my tongue, started gathering whatever I found to make sure I was right, and once I had about a week's worth of evidence, I sat him down and confronted him. He was a different person...the bile that spilled from his mouth, the way his eyes glazed over...he said I was picking a fight, that I was trying to make myself look better and that I needed to stay out of his business.” Zak let out a soft whine, tears pearling in his eyes, “He started throwing stuff at me. Anything he could get his hands on, pillows, papers, keys...I tried so hard to settle him, but when I got too close...” 

“Zak...” 

“He wrestled me to the ground, wailing on me with all his strength...I couldn't fight back...I refused to fight back. Once he let off his steam he just...stared at me, no remorse in his eyes. He gave me one final kick before he left. He didn't come back for hours. I had cleaned up the mess from our fight and tried to pretend that everything would go back to normal. When he came back he had the sweetness about him again, and when he hugged me, my body shut down. He tried to...initiate..but I refused. I couldn't, not with the same hands that were around my throat just hours earlier. He just kept pushing, getting more and more forceful each time.” 

“Zak, breathe.” 

“I just took it. Let him do whatever. I guess I figured it was easier than risking hurting him, I couldn't hurt him. And after that it only got worse. He would flip between these personas so fast it was hard to judge what he was gonna do and when he was gonna...I never saw it coming, but I still loved him. I don't know why I did, he was a monster. He was so cruel, so unforgiving, he did such horrible things to me and my stupid, stupid fucking heart kept me there. It went on for six months with no end in sight, he just kept ramping up on me, telling me it's all I was good for anymore, saying no one else would have me after this.” 

Noah grabbed Zak's face again, “Zak!” 

“I-I still feel him on me, his hands still...touching me, reminding me of the marks he left. His voice so clear in my head that I start to panic thinking he's here, that he found me and that he's gonna steal me away again. That he's gonna take me away and lock me up never to be seen again. I-” 

Noah bear hugged Zak's head, pressing him tight to his chest, cutting off his rambling, “Zak, stop. That's enough.” he felt the large devil sob openly under his weight. Hot tears hit his shirt as Zak finally let everything go, “You're safe Zak. I'm right here.” he felt his boyfriend's arms wrap around him, clutching him for dear life. He felt his own tears start to roll down his cheeks, petting the back of Zak's head, processing the events he just heard. A heavy pang of guilt resonated through his body. All this time he'd been hiding this horrific experience and Noah kept pushing. And for what? A few minutes of happiness between them? No wonder Zak was so quick to run away the instant things got too intimate. He nuzzled himself closer to his weeping beau, planting gentle kisses on the crest of his skull. 

“I-I-I'm so sorry...” it was muffled, the words buried deep under the fabric of Noah's shirt, “I can't believe I ever thought that...that you may end up like him...” 

“Shhhh...it's okay sugar. You don't need to apologize.” Noah leaned back, wiggling back down to tuck himself under Zak's jaw, “I never wanna hear you apologize for this again. You're such a sweet gentle thing...and knowing someone treated you like _nothing_ is just...” he shook his head, horns gently tapping against Zak's shoulders, “If I ever see him, he's dead.” 

“Noah..” A hand pressed against Noah's head, steadying him. Zak took in a deep breath, slowly returning to a neutral state, “It's alright...It's all in the past now.” 

“It's not alright! What he did to you was unforgivable!” Noah propped himself up on his hands, pressing into Zak. 

The large devil sighed, grabbing Noah's wrists and settling him back flat against him, “I know you want to help, but I don't think you've noticed how much you've already done.” Jade eyes blinked in confusion, contorting his head to look at Zak, “Just showing me there are still good souls in the world has helped. I've been able to fall in love again, to let myself be loved. I've been able to hug and kiss and fantasize again.” Zak smiled, pressing his face into Noah's hair, “You've already done so much. Time will do the rest, and not all of it will go away, but you've been so patient with me...I don't know what I did right to deserve you, but I'm so glad it was you.” Noah giggled, tears of his own dotting Zak's shoulders, “No no kitten, no more tears. I think both of us have done enough of that for tonight.” He gently grabbed Noah's chin, lifting it up and leaning in close, “If it's alright with you,” his lips hovered over Noah's, “I'd like to resume that lovely kiss you were giving me earlier. Start replacing some of those memories with new ones.” 

Noah bit his lip, squirming under Zak’s hold, “This sure is a sudden change.” He pressed a quick peck to Zak, “But if you really want to, I certainly won’t object.” 

Zak hummed in response, finally closing the gap between them with a deep kiss. He kept a steady hand on Noah’s cheek, pulling him in, securing him with another hand on the small of his back. Noah mewled into the kiss, pressing back against the kiss, suckling at Zak’s lip with his own. Noah’s mind flashed back to Zak’s distressing story, thinking about how many times the two had kissed like this and how difficult it must be to do this. He pulled back, lightly kissing the underside of Zak’s jaw. 

“What’s on your mind kitten?” Zak continued to peck at Noah’s features, trying to coax him back up into a proper kiss. 

“Just…thinking.” 

“That’s a dangerous thing.” He gained a small victory, returning the pair to their moment of intimacy. Zak’s hand wandered down to Noah’s ass again, cupping it, pushing his small form up higher on Zak’s front. 

“Zak wait.” Noah broke free again, propping himself up on his forearms and staring deep into Zak’s eyes, “I…I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. I want this to be enjoyable for you too.” 

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.” Zak caressed the soft copper cheek with his thumb, “I appreciate you trying to respect my boundaries, but I also want you to trust me to do the same.” 

“Okay…” Noah nestled on his arms, processing everything. He leaned into Zak’s hand, enjoying the touch of his rough skin on his cheek. An exhausted yawn forced it's way from Noah's mouth, his eyes growing heavy. “I'm sorry Zakie...” 

“It's alright kitten.” Zak kissed Noah's forehead, “It's been an...eventful evening.” 

“You gonna head home then?” wide, hopeful eyes practically begged Zak to stay. 

He chuckled, “And move you from where you've become so comfy?” he hugged the small devil tight, “No, I don't think I could do that. So I guess I'm stuck here.” 

Noah beamed, nuzzling into Zak's shoulder, giggling with delight. “You can't imagine how long I've waited to hear you say that.”


End file.
